Better That We Break

            "How did we let it get this bad?" She thought to herself, sitting alone in the crowded library. People were walking, talking, passing by her left and right. She still sat motionless and expressionless. 

*

            "Let's play the name game!" Tess said playfully to everyone. It was their first soccer game of the season. She had never met him before, but she just had to find out his name. Looking at her, he started off the childish game.

            "Haha, alright," He said shaking his head, laughing. "I'm Jason."

            "I'm Jainie!"

            "Mary-Jane."

            The names continued until it was her turn. 

            "I'm Tess."

            Names continued to be said, but she didn't pay attention to any of them. She only wanted to know one name, and she got it. As their eyes met, they smiled at each other and quickly looked away; both still grinning.

*

            Walking to class was going to be unbearable. How could she possibly pay attention in her classes while knowing that her relationship was taking a turn for the worse? She looked at her over sized watch. Ten forty. Time for class.

*

            "Oh my God! Babe! Are you serious right now?!" Jason said laughing. 

            "I'm sorry Jason, but you have it perfectly wrong!" Tess said smirking. "That did NOT happen!"

            "Babe! Yes it did! I did a perfect rainbow on the field and you totally checked me out saying 'whoooaaa'!"

            "That did NOT happen!" Tess snapped back, knowing perfectly well that there was a little bit of truth in his exaggerated story. 

            "I only wanted to prove to you that I could do a better rainbow than you could, but I did NOT stare at you, checking you out!"

            They always argued over the first time they had met.

*

            After realizing how stupid she had been, she started to laugh at herself. How could her bubbly and fun self become a complete opposite of who she was and be someone that she never wanted to be? She had turned herself into an overbearing wretch. She had lost herself somewhere along the way. Maybe it was somewhere between "no regrets" and "I'm miserable". She couldn't wait to leave class and tell Jason how truly sorry she was and how funny she had found this all to be. She would go back to her old self and everything would be good again.

*

            "So Joe texted me today. I'm gonna go out with him tonight with some friends. Is that okay?" 

            "Oh," She paused. "Alright." Tess wondered why Jason wouldn't want to spend the night in with her. 

            "But it's raining out, and it's supposed to snow tonight. Are you sure you really wanna go out tonight?" She said trying to convince him to stay in.

            "Babe, do you not want me to go out tonight? I don't have to," he said solemnly.

            "No, no, go out! Who says you can't go out with your friends? Go, go out tonight." She didn't know why she had gotten so upset at him when he wanted to hang out with his own friends. Why had she gotten so upset? She was never like this. Who had Tess turned into? She was beginning to not know the answer to such a simple question.

*

            "I haven't been myself in a long time," she started off. "How pathetic am I to let myself turn into someone I never wanted to be!"

            He kept listening to her talk while staring at the floor, looking more depressed than ever.  As Tess kept talking, she couldn't help but notice this new side of Jason; a sad side of him.

            The night before, he had told her that he was miserable and that he didn't know what to do.

            This scared Tess more than anything. In her head, she wanted to stay together with him at all costs. She couldn't stand the thought of not having him. But deep down in her heart, she knew they needed a break; time apart from one another.

*

            "I don't understand why you're acting this way. All I know is that I want to help you because I really like where things are going; I like what we have going on here and I want to see where it goes." he said. 

            Tess had come over late that night, confused about what was going on between her and Jason.  They had been seeing each other for a while and had been having an incredibly fun time together.  However, Tess didn't know what they meant to each other and she wanted answers. 

            "I just don't want to get my heart broken again." she said crying.

            "You have to have a little faith in me, Tess. You can't think that I'm gonna be like the last guy who broke your heart." He then paused, grabbed her hand and said, "You have to trust me."

            She looked up at him, scared to put her heart out on the line, but happy to know that she could trust him and confide in him.

            "Okay," she said smiling.

            "No regrets, okay? Promise me this. No regrets."

            "No regrets."

*

            Leaning against her bed, looking down at the floor, Jason looked as unhappy as Tess had ever seen him.

            “I just think this is what we need in order to be happy again,” he said as he handed Tess a plastic bag of her things.

            All she wanted to do was tell him how she was going to change and become her old self again. She wanted to do this for her. Not for him. Not for anyone else. She wanted to get back to her old self for her own good. But she knew there was no way she could convince Jason to give her a chance to show him that. She knew that he needed this time apart much more than she needed it. Because her feelings for him were so strong, she knew she had to do this for him and let him have it his way. As much as it killed her inside, she had to let him go.